Friday, September 4, 2015

I Didn't Realize We Were Twelve.

So remember how I dated the Captain for almost three years? How we were engaged for an entire summer?

Apparently he unfriended me on Facebook. Because we're freaking twelve, I guess.

Like, I didn't really want to see him or hang out with him or be best friends, but I wasn't going to shun him in public. While I've been honest, I haven't just gone and talked shit about him to all of my friends. I don't think he's a horrible person. He's just a very immature person.

And apparently he already has a new girlfriend.

I still haven't gotten over being dumped by him. I still can't imagine trusting my feelings for another guy ever. How do I know I'm not just trying to replace an old boyfriend? How do I know I actually care about this person as a person and not just a replacement?

These are things I've been worried about, but apparently the Captain has no such qualms. Not that I expected him to. He's always been a bit flirty. A very loving person. Likes to convince himself he's in love.

Okay okay, I don't want to sound bitter. But I am a little bit. Like, I was fine with us going our separate ways. I knew he'd get a new girl eventually. But two weeks later? It's a little hurtful. Honestly makes me want to cry.

I could go into the whole depression side of it, talk about how it just reinforces the idea that I wasn't good enough for him, and that he just couldn't wait to get rid of me so he could find someone better. But I'm not really in the mood for that right now.

I'm not super sad right now. Just super pissed. I'll be super sad in about an hour probably, but right now I'm just mad.

It's just infantile to unfriend your ex on facebook, as well as all her friends and family (because apparently he did that too).

Ugh. I just had to write about it because I got so upset. I was skyping a friend at the time, and told her about it, and she gave an appropriately shocked response. That made me feel better. But I also write to compute things, so there you go.

I do feel a little better now. Honestly this makes it easier for me to be okay with our breakup. I was blind to a lot of problems we had, and a lot of problems the Captain had in particular. I'm still not saying he's an awful person. He's a very nice person, and a very good person to have as a friend. But I can't say I'd recommend him as a boyfriend.

Or a fiancé.

--Dexter