I have prayed a lot in the past week or so, because of some things going on in my life. No, not just one crazy messed up thing, but several. I can't really go into details.
But basically I was praying almost every waking moment, and I was still fairly stressed out so all of my sleeping moments were filled with anxiety and dreams as well. Some of the best moments of the week have been the times I could get so caught up in whatever was currently going on that I forgot about all the mess.
The power of prayer is crazy. When I spend a good amount of time in God's word and pour out my heart to him, confessing everything and asking for mercy I don't deserve, I am soothed by a subtle peace. It's not overwhelming, because an overwhelming peace is an oxymoron. But it's there, and what makes it so obvious is the memory of how scared I was beforehand.
So while I'm in prayer and right after prayer, I am calm and at peace. The problem isn't solved, but I can easily trust that God already has it figured out. My logic and reason return, and all is well. It usually only takes an hour or so for all of that to get swept away by a wave of pure terror. Irrationality and fear take over, and I find myself sitting in the corner rocking back and forth, almost paralyzed and practically unable to function.
So I didn't stop praying. Sometimes, especially when I was alone, I would close my eyes and pray very coherently to God. Other times, it would be silent and internal, nothing more than an unworded, "Please, God, please." It got worse and worse as the week wore on, so I prayed more and more.
Until finally, today, my prayers were answered. The relief was truly overwhelming. I wanted to jump and shout and hug everyone I could reach! But... didn't. The context for them wasn't really appropriate for that. So no one knows that my life changed today due to the power of prayer. My life literally had split in two different directions, to be decided by this one thing I couldn't stop praying about. "Your will be done, Lord, always. But please oh please grant us mercy. Give me a second chance."
Oh how merciful he is. How loving. How faithful. How perfect.
People always tell you stories about the power of prayer, but it's one of those things you either flatout don't believe, or you don't realize you don't believe. I am the latter. "Sure, the power of prayer." And then I experienced it firsthand and was, "WOW. PRAYER. GOD. SPEECHLESS. AWE. WOW. THANK YOU."
I've always wondered how people can just go on praying for minutes and hours and days. Prayer always seemed simple to me. Thank him, confess to him, ask him, praise him, amen. Now, that's a perfectly okay prayer (once you, y'know, elaborate and personalize it, obviously). But some people pray. I couldn't imagine praying for a solid two hours, much less two days. How do people do it?
But I'm starting to understand. My favorite dance teacher once said, "Prayer is like the plie of ballet. It's the first thing you learn, but the last thing you master."
I don't even know how to explain what I've learned here. All I can say is that prayer is truly powerful. And the more you understand who you're talking to, the deeper and more meaningful your prayer can become. And the more you pray and study the Bible, the more you understand who you're talking to.
It's funny, because right after I had this epiphany about prayer, I stumbled across Nehemiah 1:4-11 (via my Celtic Daily Prayer book!). It's one of the best examples of prayer I've ever read, but it's hidden away in one of the Books I don't really come across all that often.
Nehemiah 1:4-7;11 "When I heard these things, I sat down and wept. For some days I mourned and fasted and prayed before the God of heaven. Then I said:
"O Lord, God of heaven, the great and awesome God, who keeps his covenant of love with those who love him and obey his commands, let your ear be attentive and your eyes open to hear the prayer your servant is praying before you day and night for your servants, the people of Israel. I confess the sins we Israelites, including myself and my father's house, have committed against you. We have acted very wickedly toward you. We have not obeyed the commands, decrees, and laws you gave your servant Moses. 11 O Lord, let your ear be attentive to the prayer of this your servant and to the prayer of your servants who delight in revering your name. Give your servant success today by granting him favor in the presence of this man."
--Dexter